Fear of intimacy and addiction often go hand-in-hand.
Addiction is actually a defense - something we can hide behind and depend on instead of people.
We literally become attached.
When we finally detach from it and get sober, we have to navigate relationships for the first time without “liquid confidence” or the buzz that softens the insecurities that flare up without the cushion.
It can feel like dangling off a cliff socially in conversations, dancing, having sex. All this has to be done stone cold sober. How?
We have to learn.
Through many uncomfortable situations, we can start to develop our personality again, our confidence, come to know our likes, dislikes, and rebuild our sense of self.
But it takes time.
And getting into a relationship before we are ready can feel like swimming too far out to sea.
We flail around and try to float but we need tools.
I teach these in my emotional sobriety support group - how to swim in this next level of sobriety and make relationships work.
To become “constitutionally capable of forming a true partnership with another human being.”