My Top 12 Break-up Survival Tips.....
Updated: Jul 1
Break-ups are no joke.
Even if the relationship felt totally wrong for you, invisible tentacles can trap us in the crying spells, nausea, obsessive pull to call, jarring ups and downs (recovery is NOT linear)...
Using these coping mechanisms made a huge difference for me. I came out in a way better place spiritually, socially, professionally, and yes, now romantically.
You will survive. You will love again.
So here's what worked.......
1.) Maintained a no contact rule (imperfectly) for myself.
This included at least taking them off my newsfeed.
In one case blocking when I was particularly devastated; an essential act of self-care.
(Warning: Contact was like five steps back in the recovery process until much later when higher powered chance meetings led to productive processing together about what happened.)
2.) Breathed. Deeply. And as often as possible/meditated, asking for guidance.
Lit candles. Listened in silence for answers and inspiration.
3.) Cried it out hard, freely and as needed, thoroughly and completely feeling the feelings to every drop, like wringing out a wet towel.
4.) Called at least three women a day and talked out the pain.
Listened to their experiences, strength and hope about how they made it through.
Tried to believe them when they said, "You are a precious jewel."
I took suggestions.
5.) Made coffee dates with a friend who has an amazing romantic relationship. I grilled her about how they met and what works.
Took strength from her sharing "I, too, never thought it would happen."
6.) Removed every reminder of the x - the saved voicemails, presents, pictures....this was a drawn out process, but bit by bit as I grew willing, I let go of these objects.
Out of sight, more out of mind. Less crazy.
I replaced them with as many beautiful, abundant-feeling things in my apartment as possible.
I even bought an awesome new couch to create space for new love.
7.) Looked in Time Out NY for inspiring things to do that I loved.
Attended some of them alone anyway when friends weren't available.
Felt lonely as hell.
Embraced the feeling as much as possible without leaving.
Danced with myself.
Not as fun as Billy Idol made it sound. But did it even just to go through the motions.
8.) This one was BIG. I'm serious.
For my last breakup, I decided that activating any online dating site was me taking my will back.
Which had never worked!!
Instead, I let go and let "God" or whatever universe higher power, to take this romance shit over.
I surrendered to destiny for the very first time.
I stopped looking.
9.) Came to believe that by focusing on myself, career and what I love, I would definitely find My Love.
The happiest version of myself would then be available for this relationship.
(Not the desperate version of me which always led to toxic choices.)
And I had to FORCE myself to believe that meeting the right partner was inevitable. It was just a matter of time. (It was).
For me, I wanted a super mindful man.
So any mindful, healthy atmosphere like yoga/meditation place or workshop about intimacy and connecting, I said yes to.
10.) I said NO to any potential relationship or dude that felt like crumbs in any way.
I parented myself.
Not ready for an intimate committed relationship? No. Moving? No. Not super psyched about hanging out with me? No. Don't call me? No. No. No. No. No!
11.) I decided to believe in manifesting.
I made an online vision board by dragging specific Google images into a PowerPoint.
I dragged in a mindful couple looking into each other's eyes.
They held a fire together.
Their hair standing straight up in meditation.
I dragged in the words "good chemistry," an image of a dart board with a dart piercing the bulls-eye, two perfectly fit smiling bananas spooning together.....
12.) Last thing-I read a LOT of stuff like this on Facebook and articles by broken up women like me. Some I'm passing on to you now. The quotes, the tips, the stories about losing and finding love.
They empowered me.
When I needed it most.
If you need it now as bad as I did, put me on your list of three women to call.
I'll meet you for coffee.
After 10 years of figuring out these tips, I'm finally in the #5 Category.
For more support, check out my online course HERE.