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  • Alison Bulman

Ten Tragic Things Emotional UN-availability Nearly Cost Me, and May Be Costing You...

Updated: Jan 12


Shame’s a progressive dis-ease. An uneasy “social phobia.” Discomfort in our own skin.


I wasted a lot of time in it.


Don’t let your shame, the root of our intimacy issues, mess up another year of your love life.


The answer is not in dating apps.


Not in your self-fulfilling prophecy of defectiveness, or any of that insidious crap newsreel in your head.


Relief came peeling off my mask, undoing layers of unconscious defenses against people getting too close.


We have a LOT to lose by not opening our eyes to this social blind spot, by not unlearning our old ways of relating that keep us stuck and alone....


1-You suffer feelings of mediocrity in your relationships (and your sex life) - interactions feel blah, FLAT, unsatisfying.


2-People sense you withholding and experience you as untrustworthy. Imagine the implications on your life!


3-You miss your ideal match - not expressing yourself authentically, you’re unrecognizable to them as their possible soul mate. (This happened to me! Until I showed up fully.)


4-You risk possibly never having children if you want them. If you do, they can experience you as emotionally distant, feel unloved, and have low self-esteem.


5-You sacrifice tons of opportunities for advancement through people, networking, that only come with taking the social risks you’re avoiding.


6-You’re much more likely to marry the wrong person. Without ever learning communication tools, resentments build, the relationship breaks.


7-If you haven’t already, you’re likely to develop an unhealthy attachment to a substance, overeating, work, porn, to fill your unmet human need to emotionally attach to a real person.


8-Loved ones will die before you had the courage to vulnerably say what they meant to you - you realize this at funerals when it’s too late.


9-People you interact with will seem guarded and you’ll grow uninterested in them - YOU not sharing vulnerably makes them avoid it, too. You think they’re boring. When you’re probably boring them.


10-And the final clincher, if you’re not yet convinced, SEX is way better once you ice the cake with emotional intimacy-it totally turns people on. Especially women.


Start the New Year’s ball rolling...Attract what you want by becoming what you want.


Find the Intimacy Support Group on this page - together, we crack our codes.


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