I post a lot about my relationship.
First, I want people to know, no matter how old, how frustrated, how divorced, jaded, skeptical you are, you can find your soul mate.
I personally needed to hear that when I felt hopeless and alone.
And, you can be very happy without your ideal match or without a partner at all.
I am not advocating for just finding The One as the end all be all - I found him and can feel like shit anyway - NO ONE saves us from ourselves. Everyone you’re with, everywhere you are, there YOU are.
I also post because I almost missed out on the chance of being with this person because I was pushing him away unconsciously and sabotaging my love life.
I see now looking back, how I rejected great guys right away because I thought they were better than me, that I wasn’t enough, and that made me show up as aloof, uninterested, and unavailable.
You may be doing the same or some version of this avoidance.
In my posts, my videos, course, blog etc, I try to explain what you might be missing, and how you can wake up to your own emotional UNavailability, what it’s costing you, and change.
I want to note, although I have found my soul mate and you see my idyllic posts about it, we have problems, like everyone else.
We argue. We struggle. We stoop down to ugly places toward each other. We’re in one right now. And it sucks. I feel really sad.
But we come back.
We come back because there’s this insane fundamental love there that has rocked our 40-something souls to the core like never before in either of our lives.
We pick back up the tools we teach people about. (We forget them in our tool kit sometimes.)
These mindful techniques brought us to each other in the first place and have awed us on a daily basis.
It’s also saved our ass and our relationship.
We mend and repair what broke.
I tell you this to make sure there’s no illusion about me or my relationship misleading you on social media.
It can feel discouraging imagining perfection - to have that story about others flaunting their smiles and travels and children out here.
It’s not the whole story.
What’s real is the fairy tale is rapt with turmoil: mood swings, hurt feelings, insecurities, jealousies, misunderstandings, triggers, annoyances, FEARS.
But with mindfulness and not giving up on each other’s shadow parts, long term love is possible.
The soul mate can stay the soulmate.
Reality can be the greatest fantasy of all, through our power to grow in strife. Together rising from ego wreckage. Stronger, humbler than before.
Love grows in non-linear ways I couldn’t imagine.
Like the effed up crazy weird tree in the background on this hike we did together, after working through a particularly grueling fight.
Our shit is twisted, bumpy, unexpected, with warts and all.
We found some healing in the beauty, presence, and natural peace of the Palisades.
When we brought the Zen back into our relationship.
Read my update here https://www.intimacities.com/blog/bringing-the-zen-to-your-relationships